The scariest part is never talking to her again. Truth is, I don’t really want to communicate with or see her again. All of it hurts too much and I need the time to heal. I’ve tried to keep being a friend, but it’s just not easy after intimacy.
All of it is fucked. Has been for a long time.
Things don’t always work the way you want them to and personal choices along the way can make it all hurt worse. No one has done anything to me. She is just living her life and sometimes you just meet people at the wrong time.
The negative, circular thoughts in my head are what keep me down each day. Therapy is good for everyone. Having someone on the outside to talk with is so helpful. But things take time and this situation is no different.
I wish I could put these emotions away and just let them die on their own without me having to deal. However, that is not how these things work in the realities of life and I know that. Not dealing is the one thing that will keep me from moving on for good.
You have to feel the pain and deal with the emotions in order to carry onto the next step in life. You have to work through the feelings or you’ll never be able to truly love someone else. And, honestly, it’s unfair to that new relationship and the person on the other side if you haven’t dealt with the pain of the past.
You have to be happy with yourself first.
None of this is easy. The long road never is. You have to work for it and put in the time.