Rearviewmirror

Lately I have been thinking things through and working to see them for what they really are.

Learning lessons is never an easy and you make so many mistakes along the way. Many times, over and over again until you are completely crushed. You hit bottom and begin to realize why all of these things are going wrong.

I have been chasing heartache for a few years now and have made many mistakes. Recently I said a lot of nasty things I wish I could take back, but you never get that chance.

Love is fucked up, makes you do the stupidest things. Unrequited love is even more sinister. You love someone with all your heart, but the pain of them not feeling the same can turn you into a monster.

You can only keep feelings bottled for so long and sometimes when the cork pops, the contents can be vile.

When you wait for someone longer than you should, at the expense of your own feelings and you feel like there is no answer…there is a tipping point. Your pain begins to overtake your logical, rational thinking and you begin to fabricate things that are not true. You lose yourself and make choices that hurt the one you love and, unknowingly, yourself.

You get angry and say things you regret.

I don’t know if I have hit the full bottom. But I have realized a few things and I know there needs to be a focus on myself for a change.

The problem is, I’m not far enough away from the feelings yet.

I can’t see clearly.

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