Crossroads

I have never, in my life, been so dazed and confused about what I should do going forward.

When do you decide to take the risk?

There is a physical, paralyzing pain that accompanies my fear.

My life continues down a path of indecision, revolving in a vicious circle of the complete wrong feelings.

Personally I am letting my mind tell me what the best path is, instead of what my gut is telling me. The heartbreak of those decisions is the fear keeping me from a logical choice.

Professionally I am staying on a path of comfort that could keep me in a rut that will ultimately bury me in the hole I have created over the last 15 years.

I love the company I currently run, but the fears of putting myself out there at times keeps me from opportunities that could provide good things down the road. I am neglecting my duties because of personal strife. I am fighting my inability to move on from something that will never be a reality.

When you love someone with all your heart and they cannot return the feelings, you lose yourself and the logical decisions that are best for you as an individual.

The place I am right now, emotionally and mentally, is foreign to me.

I am 39, run a very small family business in my hometown, where I have lived the entire 39 years. I have never been married, have no kids, no girlfriend and meager savings.

I own my own house and want to grow the business, but I am realizing my restrictions as a manager, owner and marketer of myself as the face of the company does not come naturally to me.

Personally I have now dealt with two relationships where I gave into everything. My feelings were never a priority, for me or the person I was with. I feel beaten down.

Much of that beat down is my fault. I didn’t have the backbone to stand up for myself. Neither of the woman in those situations did anything to me directly. I created a culture which made me the subordinate and it kept me from knowing who I really am as a person. I created a scenario where resentment was the only conclusion.

Changes must be made and I am the only one who can make them.

I am dead center in the middle of a crossroads.

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